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A Fear of Hobos

So I have this fear of hobos. Some years ago I took it upon myself to head downtown at a totally unreasonable hour in the morning in the hopes of being first in line to get tickets to a concert that was in a town that’s about 160 miles away. It didn’t occur to me [...]

3Sep2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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In Memoriam: My Grampa

In honour of Canada day, I am posting a little something about my late grand-father, a veteran of Wold War II with the Canadian forces. Update: Originally posted June 1st, 2008, prior to the site apocalypse.
My earliest memories of my grampa are of visiting the farm. I’d marvel from the backseat of my parent’s car [...]

3Sep2008 | Glenn | 0 comments | Continued
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From Dumping to Humping: World’s Worst Car Names

Sweet Irony

Deciding that likening an ugly ass car to an ugly ass fruit was a good idea, French automaker Renault tried to launch a campaign that compared the Renault 14 to the pear. The fact that poire, in French, can mean both pear and gullible was apparently lost completely on the manufacturers, as was the [...]

2Sep2008 | Fortey | 1 comment | Continued
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Animal Abuse – The Stupid Origins of 13 Animal Names

Not a lot of people stop to ponder where names come from these days, unless they run across some idiot with a name Xerxes, Jermajesty or Dane Cook. Even less noteworthy are the names of animals, which we all tend to take for granted. But as it turns out, a number of our little friends [...]

2Sep2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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The RimJob Obsession

I should be writing more content for this website, and reposting my old material. That one article about animals named by morons was hilarious. Hilarious! It was actually nominated for several web awards, I assume. And I heard that the girl Glenn lost his virginity to only engaged in coitus with [...]

1Sep2008 | Fortey | 4 comments | Continued
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Fortey’s Guide to Unwholesome Deviancy - Online Edition!

Recently, it has come to my attention that the internet is all abustle with lasciviousness. “Gasp!” you may gasp, and clutch at your tender bosom. “What is this lasciviousness you speak of, Ian? Is it also licentious and lustful?” to which I might reply after a hearty twirl of my pubic [...]

21Aug2008 | Fortey | 3 comments | Continued
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The Harder They Fall: 8.5 Former Box Office Goldmines

Remember when Jean Claude Van Damme was famous and people would pay real, negotiable currency to see his movies? Or Steven Seagal? Or Chuck Norris? Or Cher? Or everyone on this list? Me too.
Orson Welles
Arguably one of the greatest filmmakers of all time, Orson Welles gave the world Citizen Kane, Touch of Evil and [...]

20Aug2008 | Fortey | 1 comment | Continued
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Looking for Cumquats

It’s 3:34 in the morning as I write this and what better way to pass the time than to Google the word cumquat. Why cumquat? Why indeed. Google tells me the word cumquat has 1.1 million results. That’s a veritable pantload of citrusy webpages. But to put it in perspective, boobs get 72.3 million results [...]

20Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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Glory Days: Revisiting Scenic Anemia Radio

With all of the site recovery fun and games, writing something new hasn’t been much of a possibility. On the bright side, site reader Alphane Moon pointed us in the direction of a site where we were able to recover a few more posts. As awesome as that is, you’ve probably already [...]

11Aug2008 | Adam | 1 comment | Continued
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The Fraudulent Friend Finder: Answering Online Personals

The internet has many purposes that do not involve sex, none of which matter for the purposes of this article. What does matter is that personal ads, which long were forced to the back of the local newspaper where hopeful perverts tried to find like-minded deviants to get together and masturbate off of bridges are [...]

11Aug2008 | Fortey | 3 comments | Continued
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