Rejected By Cracked

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This is Some Good S#!t: Practical Uses for Feces

Shit, like Ryan Seacrest, is mostly water. The rest, probably also like Seacrest, is dead bacteria, fiber, fat, and ass mucus. It’s pretty simple (this Seacrest metaphor keeps going, doesn’t it?), pretty awful and people have found far too many ways to make it do something for them.

Booze - The origin of the term shit [...]

3Sep2008 | Fortey | 4 comments | Continued
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From Dumping to Humping: World’s Worst Car Names

Sweet Irony

Deciding that likening an ugly ass car to an ugly ass fruit was a good idea, French automaker Renault tried to launch a campaign that compared the Renault 14 to the pear. The fact that poire, in French, can mean both pear and gullible was apparently lost completely on the manufacturers, as was the [...]

2Sep2008 | Fortey | 1 comment | Continued
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Animal Abuse – The Stupid Origins of 13 Animal Names

Not a lot of people stop to ponder where names come from these days, unless they run across some idiot with a name Xerxes, Jermajesty or Dane Cook. Even less noteworthy are the names of animals, which we all tend to take for granted. But as it turns out, a number of our little friends [...]

2Sep2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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The Harder They Fall: 8.5 Former Box Office Goldmines

Remember when Jean Claude Van Damme was famous and people would pay real, negotiable currency to see his movies? Or Steven Seagal? Or Chuck Norris? Or Cher? Or everyone on this list? Me too.
Orson Welles
Arguably one of the greatest filmmakers of all time, Orson Welles gave the world Citizen Kane, Touch of Evil and [...]

20Aug2008 | Fortey | 1 comment | Continued
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Lawns of the Future: 9 Sci-Fi Lwn and Garden Tools

The future is happening all around us as we watch daytime TV or work for our sad paycheck that can barely buy us our weekly requirements of alcohol and hookers, let alone the flying cars that are being hurried down the line to make our lives more convenient/horribly dangerous. And now, to add insult to [...]

11Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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Rejected By Cracked: 5 Xtreme! Products That Don’t Live Up To Their Name

Of all of the fads of the 90’s that we wish would just die already, advertisers willingness to slap the word XTREME! on the label of just about every product imaginable sits comfortably on top of the list. Doritos, deodorant, soda, socks, it’s all been xtreme! at one time or another. And what separates, [...]

16Jul2008 | Adam | 0 comments | Continued
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Selling Out: 5 Epic Ways To Trade Cash For Dignity

The dream of having a pantload of free cash with little to no effort is one held close to the hearts of many these days, but not everyone has the drive, skill or luck to make those dreams into reality. And, in some case, not everyone is equipped with the shallow, whorish personal values required [...]

15May2008 | Fortey | 8 comments | Continued
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Rejected By Cracked: The 5 Most Inappropriate Kidz Bop Songs Of All Time

If you own a television, you’ve probably seen countless commercials for those “Now That’s What I Call Music!” CD’s. You know, every song you’ve heard so many times throughout the year that you swear you’ll gouge your eardrums out if you hear them again, together for the first time on one great collection! They’re basically [...]

29Apr2008 | Adam | 3 comments | Continued